


Lost You Once, Loved You Twice

by FeatheryInk



Category: Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:02:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeatheryInk/pseuds/FeatheryInk
Summary: Five years after Scylla was transferred to the Caribbean, the war with the Camarilla reaches its peak and the military deploys prisoners to fight at their front lines.Raelle barely recognizes the woman in front of her, so different from the girl in the dungeon, broken. But she's certain of one thing: She may have told Scylla she can die, but she'll be damned if the military lets her go and fight up front in a losing war.She won't let the girl she loved think she's disposable again.
Relationships: Raelle Collar & Scylla Ramshorn, Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn
Comments: 71
Kudos: 209





	1. What Once Was Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! (TW see further below)  
> It's been years since I have last written anything, and English isn't my first language so I apologize in advance.  
> This idea came to me as soon as I saw the finale and it just bugged me until I actually started writing it down. The characters may seem OOC, but they went through quite a lot in the past five years.  
> It's going to be hard, but they will get their happy ending. :)
> 
> Let me know if you're interested in the idea and would like to see more.
> 
> Stay safe!
> 
> Trigger Warning:  
> \- Panic Attack  
> \- Mention of torture, it's aftermath and seeing loved ones die

It was dark. It was always dark. She had lost her sense of time a few months into her imprisonment, at least she presumed it had been months.

It was also cold. She had stopped wondering how it was possible to be this cold while in a typically warm place. It was probably magic. Or the lack of sunlight and movement from her part, another thing she would never figure out before she died.

The first time they had tried to extract more information from her, she had tried to smile through the whole thing. Don’t let them break you, you’re stronger than this. You have already lost everything, there is nothing they could possibly take from you anymore. Just. Keep. Smiling.

She hadn’t necessarily underestimated them, but her own feelings. She was so sure there was nothing left in her that could feel anything after her last meeting with the girl she loved. The way she told her she wished they had never met, how she walked out without ever turning back. Her vocal cords still felt raw when she remembered the moment she had lost everything for the second time in her life.

When they finally broke through her mental barriers, they surprised her by not extracting the information that they wanted, but by planting scenes that she knew she never actually lived through. Until it all started to get blurry. So many memories of Raelle and her parents getting hurt, badly, because of her. Physically and mentally, there were no boundaries it seemed. She really had to give it to those creating the memories, they were creative and _real_.

Something slid down her cheek, the feeling unfamiliar at first. She knew she had stopped crying a long time ago. Oh, right, it was also wet in here. Dark. Cold. Wet. It probably also smelled, but that was another thing she had stopped thinking about years ago. Could it have been years? It certainly felt like it. Feeling… She couldn’t allow her thoughts to drift any further. That she even started thinking was surprising, as she preferred it when nothing occupied her mind these days.

Whenever her thoughts began drifting, it usually ended with another memory of her loved ones dying. Over and over and over again. The only thing she still wondered was if they might actually have killed her already and this was her very own purgatory for all the things she had done while being alive. The people she had hurt, life’s she had destroyed.

When they first brought her here, she was convinced that what she was doing was the right thing. She just wanted everyone to be free, no oaths to take and uphold, living life the way you longed for. Now she wasn’t sure if her mere existence was right, if she even was existing. Everything was dull, empty. She hadn’t felt anything but pain, sorrow and regret in so long that feeling nothing at all was the most blissful thing in the world.

Just.

Feel.

_Nothing._

…

A hard jerk on her wrists suddenly brought her back from the void she had nestled into. The metal cuffs harshly digging into her permanently raw skin.

“Get up. It’s your lucky day scum, you get the chance to do one last good thing for your country.”

Good? Was there ever any good in her to begin with? It doesn’t matter either way. Focus on the silence, it’s probably just another memory. Let it play out, let it slide past you until you’re back in the safety of your cell. _Safety_. She would have laughed, but she wasn’t sure she even knew how to anymore. Focus. Let your mind return to nothing. Nothing was the only real safety she still had.

_Let it overcome you._

* * *

She didn’t know how long they had been travelling, safely tucked away in the void that was her mind, when the vehicle suddenly stopped. She hadn’t even realized that it wasn’t dark anymore, and now that she noticed the sun shining through the windows, she had to squint because it was too bright for her eyes.

The door beside her was opened and hands pulled her out before she even knew what was going on. This whole thing was just too strange to decipher, so she had to let them do what they wanted, this vision of a twisted reality would soon pass too.

“Bring her in, the General is already expecting you.”

General? Wait. She took in her surroundings for the first time, really looked at the people and the scenery around her. They were at Fort Salem, she even recognized a few of the people standing around as former classmates or teachers. But something was off, the whole scene seemed different from the usual memories.

A rough push between her shoulder blades stopped the thought before she could put her finger on it and she stumbled to prevent herself from falling over. Catching yourself from face planting into the dirt was more difficult if your hands were shackled after all.

This was certainly fake, none of the visions and memories they had shown her thus far showed her back at Fort Salem after her imprisonment. What were they planning on doing? They had to know that she would never fall for such an obvious lie.

The way to the Generals office was the same, the building and corridors were so familiar she couldn’t help but think about Raelle. How happy she had been here once, before it all blew up around her.

“General, we brought her.”

They were already in the office? Her mind was too jumpy today, she couldn’t let them throw her off like this, she usually had better control. Maybe that is what they are trying to do, throw her off and lure her into something.

The soldiers let go of her and stepped back, she took a deep breath, as subtle as possible, before lifting her head and facing the woman in front of her.

General Alder looked different as well. Not in the sense that she got older, that was impossible after all, but she looked even tenser than she used to. Her eyes were hard, calculating and seizing her. She appeared to be displeased about this meeting. It was all just too strange.

“I would say it’s a pleasure to see you again, but I would be lying. This is a last resort and you should know that were it any different, you would have never seen the light of day again. As far as we are concerned, as soon as you have fulfilled your part, you can go back into that cell and rot for all eternity.”

She tried to keep her confusion from showing on her face, impassiveness has proven to be the best thing during any of the memories.

The general eyed her once more, the coldness unmistakable, before she turned around and stared out of the window. Her hands were clasped tightly behind her back, still emitting power by simply standing.

“The Camarilla are strong. They took so many of our soldiers already, the numbers keep rising every day. You will be sent to fight back. Your only goal is to keep our soldiers from dying, even if it will cost you your own life.”

General Alder spun around, eyes still hard.

“Do you understand?”

Where were they going with this? What use would it be to set up a scene like this if they wanted to hurt her? Why not go straight to it?

“I said, _do you understand?_ ”

The only way to get this over with quickly was playing along, so she nodded once. The general still seemed anything but happy about this whole situation and with a nod to one of her soldiers, the shackles fell to the floor.

“One misstep and you will be wishing to never have left your cell. If you so much as look at someone the wrong way, the Caribbean will seem like a nice summer vacation. This is the only warning you will get, do not test me.”

She really didn’t have a choice in the whole thing, no use in making everything more difficult for herself if she could avoid it for as long as possible. Another nod seemed to be enough for the general to dismiss her with the wave of a hand.

The soldiers escorted her down the familiar corridors, pointed out a door that would apparently lead to her sleeping quarters and kept pushing her forward until they entered the cafeteria. The place was as busy as she remembered, so many unfamiliar faces and even a few familiar ones moved from the serving station to tables.

Before she could look around to maybe even catch a glimpse of Raelle – if she was included in this vision – her escort pushed her forward once more. She could feel more and more soldiers realizing that she wasn’t supposed to be here, that something about this wasn’t normal. The lady behind the food counter wrinkled her nose when she pushed the tray of food in their direction.

It was all so strange. When would the part start where she had to watch someone get hurt again? What were they playing at? Did it even matter?

The soldiers led her to an empty table somewhere in the corner, letting her sit down between them to keep a close eye and be able to react if she so much as breathed wrong. Whatever was going to happen, she couldn’t stop it either way. The best thing was returning back to nothing, keep everything out, let it pass by.

The void was her friend. _Nothing_ couldn’t hurt her. _Nothing_ was safe.

* * *

The cafeteria was as busy as always and just the thought of having to pass through all those people turned Raelles mood a little sour. She really hoped Abigail was somewhere around, and if they were lucky maybe even Tally showed up.

There was a strange energy going around the fort and she had heard whispers of the first prisoners arriving today. General Alder had informed them that they had to resort to means they never would have entertained were the circumstances any different. The Camarilla really had proven to be a more dangerous enemy than everyone had expected.

Getting her tray of food luckily wasn’t as bad as she had feared, and Raelle saw Abigail sitting at a nearby table, waving her over. This lunch might turn out better than expected.

“Hey.” Raelle slid in a seat opposite of Abigail and let her eyes wander across the cafeteria once more. “Have you noticed the weird energy going around today?”

Abigail followed her example and glanced around them. “They brought the first prisoners here today. Apparently mostly big fish.”

Raelle furrowed her eyebrows. “Big fish? Why bring the more dangerous ones in first?”

Her friend let out an exasperated sigh, some things never changed from their time in basic. “Because, shitbird, they are the most expendable ones. The others get a chance to volunteer, that’s death row we’re talking here.”

The blonde stopped chewing, blue eyes panickily meeting brown ones.

“Death row? Do you think…”

The lump that had formed in Raelles throat couldn’t have been bigger. They couldn’t have brought her here, could they? Abigails eyes softened and she reached over to gently pat Raelles hand once.

“It’s been years, we don’t even know if she’s still alive. And I think the chances of them bringing her here are low if she is.”

A slight, jerky nod was all Raelle managed in response before a commotion at the entrance caught her eyes. A group of soldiers had walked in, the people around them parting slightly to make room. They were escorting a woman who was wearing a torn and once upon a time grey, prison jumpsuit. By the looks of the surrounding soldiers she appeared to be smelling quite badly too. Her long brown hair was unkempt, wild and a greasy.

She was thin, unhealthily so, and from what Raelle could see also very pale. So this was one of the big fish. The blonde couldn’t see her face from where she was sitting, but it seemed like a few people around the room recognized her.

Raelle couldn’t care less, whatever the woman did was enough to send her to death row. She probably deserved what was coming for her, unlike so many of their fallen comrades. No use wondering about it more than she already had. Raelle had been enjoying her side serving of soup when Abigail suddenly stiffened, eyes wide.

The blonde instinctively turned around to see what caused her friend to react like that when she found herself staring at the prisoner once again. It felt like time had slowed down when Raelle saw that familiar blue. So different from what she remembered, yet the same. It couldn’t be, this couldn’t be happening. Abigail just said that the chances were low, and yet…

The brunette hadn’t seen her, sitting down where her escort told her to and just staring at her food. It was really her, Scylla was back, and Raelle didn’t know what she was supposed to do. The woman seemed to just sit there, not paying any attention to the things going on around her. She looked so… empty.

It broke Raelles heart more than she would have expected. She wasn’t prepared for this. She was prepared to see that damn smirk, that twinkle in enchanting blue eyes and a stupid line like “miss me?”. But this? This was so much worse than anything she could have prepared herself for. Even the scenarios where someone told her that she had been executed were less painful than this.

The realization of what Scylla being here meant were another tear in her already hurting heart. They couldn’t actually do that, screw death row and whatever the brunette had done. Anacostia told her that her feelings for Raelle had been real, that there was _regret_. And seeing what they had done to Scylla within the last years, they couldn’t just send her out to be killed at the first possible opportunity.

Anacostia, she had to talk to Anacostia. She could help stop this, she was a well respected Sergeant after all. Whatever Scylla had done, _this_ she didn’t deserve. Raelle had let her be taken away to die once, she couldn’t stand by a second time.

Without another word the blonde stood up, rushing out of the room to speak to Anacostia. Abigail’s voice lost in the cafeteria noise behind her.

Raelle felt her heart hammering, she wasn’t sure if she would even make it to Anacostias office before having a panic attack. The way Scylla looked just sitting in the cafeteria, staring. Just _staring_ at nothing at all, so far away from everything that was going on around her. The brunette hadn’t even noticed someone accidentally bumping into her. The person she had known all those years ago was nowhere to be found. The woman in the cafeteria looked like Scylla, well, an unhealthily pale, malnourished and defeated older version, but she certainly wasn’t in there.

That spark was gone, the eyes dull and empty. Seeing the person she once loved the most like this threw her off in ways she never could have imagined. Scylla was on her mind more times than she would like to admit, always wondering if she was alright, safe, _alive_. Raelle knew that telling Scylla she was fine with her dying must have hurt the other girl, but she was so angry in that moment, angry and hurt. It made her say things she knew she would regret later, but it had felt so good to know that she could hurt Scylla just a little herself in that moment.

What Raelle hadn't been prepared for was Scylla telling her she chose her over her cause. It was even worse after Anacostia confirmed that Scyllas feelings for her had been real. And then she was gone. Raelle told her to go die and they actually took her away without ever telling her what became of the girl in the dungeon. The only thing she was told, during an assembly for all recruits in a side note no less, was that they had transferred another Spree agent to their infamous prison. And not once was there an ‘S’ on her palm afterwards.

Her hands were starting to shake when she reached the door to the Sergeants office, and her heart was still trying to jump out of her chest. Raelle hesitated for a second before that picture of Scylla in the cafeteria flashed through her mind again and she suddenly found herself inside the room. Anacostia was sitting at her desk, the surprise only visible in the way her eyes immediately met Raelle’s.

“Collar, wh-“

“You can’t send her out there. The moment she’s stepping a foot out of a vehicle she’ll… You can’t! I-I-I don’t…” why was it so hard to say what she wanted to say? It was so simple, leave Scylla out of whatever plan they had. And yet, just trying to voice out loud the possibility of the woman getting hurt or even _killed_. Raelle had to steady herself on the wall to not physically break down. “Anacostia please, _please_ don’t make her go out there. The way she was sitting there… She won’t… They’ll… _Please_.”

The firm yet gentle grip on her shoulder pulled Raelle out of her head a little and her eyes locked with Anacostias.

“It wasn’t my order.”

“I don’t care! Tell them they can’t do that! Convince them that they’re wrong, they value your opinion!”

The way Anacostia averted her eyes to a spot on the floor beside Raelle was like a punch to the gut.

“This is bigger than any of us, we’re grasping at straws, losing people every day. It was deemed a necessity.”

“Sergeant _please_.”

“The prisoners are supposed to provide valuable time while there are plans created to fight back. They can volunteer to fight, and if they proof themselves valuable, all charges against them will be dropped.”

Raelle shrugged the hand off and took a step back, anger starting to take over.

“Look at her! _Look_ at her and tell me she volunteered!”

The look Anacostia shot her made Raelles anger turn into fear.

“Death row’s participation is mandatory. It doesn’t make a difference for the people in charge when and where they ultimately fall, because they are going to fall either way.”

The sledgehammer in Raelles chest abruptly stopped, frozen in place too long to be comfortable before the world spun and she had to slide down the wall to not fall over. There was a noise she couldn’t place, everything sounded like she was listening from under water. Her hands were once again shaking uncontrollably before she lifted one to her forehead, trying to hide herself away behind a thin wall of bone and flesh.

 _They are going to fall either way. It doesn’t make a difference._ The image of Scylla sitting in the cafeteria burned through her mind, the shell of a person she once knew. _They are going to fall either way_. She may have told her that she didn’t mind Scylla dying, but that was five years ago, caused by so many overwhelming emotions.

And now, after all these years wondering where she was and what had happened to her, to see her again, alive, barely a few steps away. Just to _know_ that she would be losing her for real this time. To _know_ that this time she couldn’t tell herself she was fine and probably got away. To _know_ there would be a body. To _know_ there was a chance she even had to _watch_. Raelle’s stomach lurched, she barely managed to turn herself around before she lost the soup on the floor of Anacostias office.

Gentle hands pulled her hair back until there was nothing left to add.

“Raelle.”

Anacostia never used her name, hearing her use it now proved even more how dire the whole situation was for Scylla. The blonde scrambled back to her feet, a hand sliding along her mouth to somewhat clean it.

“I need to go. I have things to get to. Sorry for the mess Sergeant, I will see you later.”

For the second time that day, she ran from a room. Her heart was still beating fast, but as she rushed through the corridors it changed from panic to determination. They had brought Scylla here to die, but they had forgotten about Raelle. And the blonde would do anything in her power to make sure Scylla wouldn’t be leaving her again.

She vowed to make sure the brunette was safe, that she would not be another meaningless name in the sea of losses. But first, she had to speak with Scylla, apologize for the things she had said when they last saw each other, make sure the girl she loved was still in there.

Raelle knew the conversation wouldn’t be easy, but she hoped it would be worth it. Even if the outcome wasn’t what she was hoping for, she had to at least try. She lost Scylla once, she wouldn’t make the same mistakes again, whatever that may entail.


	2. Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your feedback! I really wasn't expecting it, and it certainly motivated me to push out this chapter. You're awesome! :)
> 
> Would you guys prefer longer chapters in the future, or more updates?
> 
> Personally, this one hit a little deeper in the feels for me, what about you?
> 
> Trigger Warning:  
> \- Aftermath of torture

Getting to Scylla wasn’t as easy as Raelle originally thought. She had no idea where to brunette was supposed to be staying outside of lunch hours, and the chances of finding her without a guard seemed rather small too, considering her lunch escort.

It was frustrating, knowing that Scylla was here somewhere, so close again after all these years, just to not be able to find and talk to her. So she did the only thing she could think of without having to face any of her friends or superiors, she asked around.

It took longer than she would have liked, but someone was able to tell her where the new guests would be staying. Apparently, they were all kept in separate rooms to prevent them from plotting anything together. They were also assigned guards to keep watch over them until it appeared they weren’t going to run or do anything that wasn’t expected of them.

This might even provide them with enough privacy to have a conversation without anyone listening. Raelle just had to convince the guard that she could keep an eye on Scylla while she was in the room with her.

The brunettes sleeping quarters were in a building slightly seperated from the rest, two guards stood at the front entrance, only acknowledging Raelle with a curt nod. It was rather dark inside, an eerie silence covering everything. The only sound that could be heard was the echo of the blondes footsteps as she made her way through the hallways, asking the sporadic guards in front of the doors if the woman she was looking for was inside.

It took until the fifth guard before she found her.

“What is your business with the prisoner?”

I need to apologize for the things I’ve said to her when we last saw each other probably wouldn’t result in the desired outcome. Raelle raised her chin slightly, meeting the leveled stare of the guard head on.

“There’s some unfinished business I need to take care of. They took her away before I could even the score, if you know what I mean.”

The guard looked like she was about to decline her request, so Raelle stepped a little closer, voice lowering.

“You know what she did? Took something from me this one, I’d like to get a fraction of it back, and give her a piece of my mind while I’m at it. Don’t worry, I’m a fixer so no one will ever have to know. I won’t let you get in trouble for this.”

The guard still appeared to be hesitating, but nodded once before stepping aside. Raelles heartbeat quickened, this was it. This was the moment she had secretly been wishing for during all these years.

“Thanks. I’ll call for you should I need your help, but I doubt she’ll be able to give me any trouble.”

Keeping her hands from shaking while she reached for the door handle proved to be another hurdle, should the guard have seen it, she would have just told her that it was the anger she had to keep suppressed until now.

The room looked… normal. There was a bed in the right corner, a desk by the window straight ahead and a dresser to the left. Beside the dresser was another door, probably leading into a small bathroom.

The scent of sweat and dirt hung heavily in the air, but what really caught Raelles attention was the woman sitting on the bed. Her bare feet were touching the ground, posture slightly slumped, elbows resting on her thighs and eyes focused on the wooden boards in front of her.

She hadn’t even looked up to see who had entered the room.

Raelle took a hesitating step forward, waiting for any sort of acknowledgment of her presence. There wasn’t one. The brunette just kept staring at the floor, sitting so still that only the fluttering of eyelashes indicated she was still alive.

The blonde had no idea how the woman in front of her would react when she finally saw her, but she had to see those eyes she loved, had to make sure this was real. Carefully, she crossed the remaining space between them and slowly lowered herself to the ground in front of the bed, right into the others line of vision.

There still wasn’t a reaction, and that frightened Raelle more than she would have liked to admit. Something was different, so very different from the girl she remembered. After another few seconds passed in silence, she hesitantly raised her right hand. Letting it hover uselessly in the space between them, the space that wasn’t even a foot long from Raelles crossed knees to Scyllas legs.

It was the closest they had been in years, and it still made the blondes heart stumble in a way that wasn’t fear or nerves alone. She gently placed her hand on the brunettes knee, ducking her head a little to try and catch her eye.

“Scylla?”

Blue eyes immediately met her own, a quick, staggered intake of breath hung in between them. Raelle had imagined a lot of things that could have happened next, but she wasn’t prepared for the fear that flashed across the brunettes face.

Scylla leaned backwards, creating distance that Raelle wasn’t really comfortable with right now. One of her limp hands moved to cover her eyes, slightly trembling.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not here to yell at you again. I’d actually like to apologize for how we left things before you… Before they took you.”

Scylla kept her hand across her eyes, head slightly shaking from side to side, lips pressed together tightly.

“I know that I hurt you, I hurt you and it was the last thing I thought I ever did. The last thing I thought you’d remember me by. I was so angry back then, angry and hurt. I-I-I wanted to hurt you too. I wish I could take all of it back. You told me not to believe everything they’d say about you, but my blind rage just took over.”

There still was no response from the brunette, she just kept covering her eyes, head turning to the side to avoid accidentally catching a glimpse of the blonde.

“I’m sorry Scylla. So very, very sorry. Please believe me. I know that you don’t owe me anything, and I can walk out and…”

There was a lump growing in her throat, a pressure building behind her eyes and she had to swallow thickly before continuing.

“You… You never have to see me again if that is what you want.”

The lack of response from the other woman wasn’t helping her anxiety, she just wanted to catch a glimpse of that blue again, make sure she knew that Raelle had meant every word she said.

“Scylla please, say something. Yell at me if you want to, you have every right to do so.”

The blondes hand subconsciously tightened on the knee, urging for a response, willing the brunette to look at her again.

“This could be your cruelest one yet.”

The voice was scratchy, years of neglect painfully obvious.

“What? I’m sorry if what I said hurt you, that wasn’t my intention, I swear.”

There was a twitch at the corner of Scyllas mouth, before the hand fell away, returning back to its original position. Blue eyes finally met Raelles again and the blonde had to take a stuttering breath of her own. There was so much longing and sadness written in those eyes, she just wanted to make it go away.

“I wonder how they’re going to make you disappear this time. I’m so sorry that they keep doing this to you, that I can’t stop it. I’m always trying Raelle, always trying to not let you die, but it doesn’t matter what I do, the outcome is the same.”

Raelle dying? What was Scylla talking about? That didn’t make any sense. Raelle was sitting right in front of her, anxious, sad and confused, but certainly alive.

“What do you mean? No one ever did anything to me, I’m fine, Scylla. I’m right here, just like you.”

She was prepared for hate, indifference or maybe even sadness, but this was so much more. So much worse.

“But you aren’t real. You’ve never been. It doesn’t make it hurt any less seeing them hurt you every time. It’s ironic, the way I’ve hurt you, hurt others, and I can’t even deal with a fake reality. It’s probably any moment now, I’m sorry Raelle. I’ll try, but it was never enough. _I_ was never enough.”

Fake reality? Did Scylla think she wasn’t even here? That all of this was just a dream? Was Scylla dreaming about her getting hurt? But she had said she was always trying to fight for Raelle. The possibility of a truth where Scylla had been fighting for them, _her_ , all these years while she just wondered what had happened must have been what it felt like to get your heart ripped out of your chest.

“I _am_ real. You are real. All of this is real. You aren’t dreaming Scylla, you’re here with me, wide awake.”

Another twitch at the corner of her mouth before the so different but also oh so familiar blue returned to the floor boards.

“I know that I’m not dreaming. It’s a memory, it always is a memory. It’s so hard to keep the fake ones from the real ones most of these days, but this, _this_ is obviously so far from the truth. Raelle would have never apologized, she told me she never wanted to see me again, that they should just execute me and-“

“No!”

That damned twitch at Scyllas mouth, so defeated. This couldn’t be what she was really thinking right? Had she really made her think that she actually wanted her to die? All of this was so messed up, so unbelievably painful.

“No. I _never_ meant to make you think I wanted you to die. I loved you the most, and you hurt me the most. It’s no excuse, I know that, but please believe me. This isn’t a dream or a fake reality or whatever. This is real Scylla. As real as it can get. Ask me something only I could know, the real me.”

A soft sigh was her only response at first, before Scyllas eyes met hers again for the briefest of moments.

“There is nothing I could ask. They know everything, they know more than you ever did. Every question, every moment of this conversation is just another construct of their lies. How I wish this was real, how I wish the warmth of your hand was actually there and not just imagined. How I wish you were really here and saying all these things.”

“But it _is_ real.”

The sudden warmth covering her own hand stopped anything else Raelle would have liked to say. The touch so gentle she wasn’t sure if it was all imagined after all.

“It has been quite some time since they allowed me to speak with you. I missed this, more than I should be admitting. It’s… nice. But it also means that the inevitable outcome will hurt so much more. It really is their cruelest one so far, and I hate that I don’t mind.”

Raelle covered the hand on her own with her left, carefully trapping the warm, fragile flesh. What have they done to her in that prison? She knew that it was infamous, but that’s about all everyone not directly involved knew about the happenings there.

It was frighteningly obvious that Scylla was convinced whatever she was doing here wasn’t real. That she was still in a cell somewhere, remembering something that had been planted in her head. And the military wanted to send her out to the front lines like that? At this point, Raelle wasn’t sure if the woman would actually bother trying to survive, to fight.

“How can I prove to you that this is real?”

Scylla stared at her hand nestled between Raelles, she just stared at where their bodies connected, for the first time in so long. She hesitantly moved her second hand closer, index finger reaching out to carefully poke the blondes flesh before it gently mapped Raelles hand.

It took longer than Raelle wanted before she got a response, but she couldn’t deny that this, feeling Scylla touch her, wasn’t nice. But they didn’t have time for slow, as much as the blonde wished they had all the time in the world, she knew that there was a guard outside the door that could decide to check in and see what was going on any moment.

She also knew that pressuring the brunette into anything she wasn’t comfortable with right now could horribly backfire. She was already so hesitant, so untrusting of whatever Raelle said. So as much as she wanted to hear the answer to her question, she couldn’t, no, _wouldn’t_ , force Scylla to do anything she wasn’t ready for.

“You can’t. You were always convinced that this was real, that we were real. I tried telling you what was going on so many times within the memories, but you never believed me. At the beginning, you managed to convince me that it actually was real, and then you still died. You died and I just had to watch. Over and over and over again.”

Her voice cracked, and Raelle couldn’t refrain herself from tightening her hold on Scyllas hand.

“I lost count of how often I have lost you. How often I have lost my parents. I’m just hoping this too will pass soon. No matter how much I try to detach myself from the memories, watching any of you die just makes me want to make all of it stop a little more.”

Was Scylla openly admitting she wouldn’t mind dying? Raelle could feel her heart thundering away again. She wouldn’t let this happen, whatever it may take, she would convince the girl that she was real, that she wasn’t in a cell somewhere anymore. She just didn’t know how.

“To be completely honest, I’m not even sure if I’m alive anymore. Maybe there actually is a hell, and this, living through watching you leave me all the time, is my very own purgatory. I do understand, you know. I wronged so many people, I hurt you, but knowing that I deserve it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“No, Scylla. You have to believe me that you don’t deserve any of this. Yes, you made mistakes. Yes, you’ve hurt a lot of people. Yes, some of them will probably never forgive you. But you _feel_ for them, you regret your actions. A bad person would never do that. _You. Are not. A bad. Person._ ”

Scyllas hand stopped tracing Raelles and moved to cup her cheek, the sadness and longing in her eyes barely visible behind all the dullness. The blonde could see that Scylla still didn’t believe a word she was saying, and it was frustrating. A thumb slid along Raelles cheekbone and no matter how frustrated she was, she couldn’t help but instinctually lean into the touch.

“This is probably the kindest version of you too. It’s very tempting to just enjoy the moment, to enjoy us, for as long as they are willing to let me have it. Oh Raelle, I wonder what you’re up to right now, if you’re okay, if you ever think about me. Would there be happy thoughts?”

“Yes! There are so many happy thoughts, I wanted to see you again so badly, to let you know that I never meant to say these things to you. I’m so happy you’re here, with me. Please believe me when I say this is real. I promise you there won’t be anything happening to me, we’re on base, we’re safe. Nothing will be hurting you here either. I’m not letting them take you to face the Camarilla.”

Scyllas hand fell from her face, returning to its resting place on her thigh.

“The Camarilla… Alder said they were stronger than expected. Is this how I’ll be losing you this time? They have never used the Camarilla before. This memory is getting more confusing by the second.”

Raelle was starting to grasp at straws, it was beginning to be obvious that she could tell Scylla whatever she wanted, and they were running out of time.

“Because it’s not a memory. I want to make you believe me, to make you see that I’m telling the truth, but the guard will probably check in soon, it must have been ten minutes already. Can I come back tonight? Please, I don’t want to leave you alone like this, but I don’t have much of a choice right now. If they catch me being friendly with you, I probably won’t be allowed back in.”

There was no physical response to Raelles words, it was like the brunette was expecting her to leave, just like she had said all this time.

“I’m not leaving you, okay? Not for long. I’ll be back before you know it, but I won’t be coming through the door, they won’t let me come here in the middle of the night, I’ll have to sneak in. Can you keep an ear out for me once it got dark? I swear this is not me leaving you.”

Scyllas eyes met hers again, oh how she had missed that blue.

“Of course, I will always be waiting for you. This was nice, thank you. I’m looking forward to seeing you again, hopefully in a similar way as this.”

Raelles heart screamed at her to not leave Scylla, not like this, not right now. She wished she could stay, keep telling the brunette that she was real until she finally believed it. But with them, nothing ever seemed to go how either of them wanted it to.

It was maddening, how many more trials would the universe throw at them? And with why Scylla was here, the most frightening ones haven’t even started.

“You will. It’s just a few hours until I’m back, I promise.”

She reluctantly stood up, taking Scyllas hand once more to squeeze it reassuringly. A nod and averted eyes were her only response, but Raelle was nothing if not determined. She returned the brunettes gesture and gently cupped her cheek, before leaning down to press a soft kiss to the unkempt hair.

Whatever it takes, she would prove to Scylla that this was real, that she meant every word she had said. If she was the only one strong enough to fight for them right now, so be it. It sounded like Scylla had been fighting for so long, Raelle would gladly take over.

With one last look at the slumped form on the bed and a whispered: “I’ll be back before you know it.”, Raelle left Scylla behind.

The guard eyed her the moment she stepped out of the door, so the blonde gave her a curt nod to indicate that everything went according to plan and hurried out of the building, walking as fast as she could without appearing too suspicious.

She had a few hours to think about what just happened, to prepare herself for what she would do when she returned to the fragile woman, to help her put herself back together piece by piece.

It wouldn’t be easy, but Raelle had already promised herself to fight for them, and if there wouldn’t be a ‘them’ again, she would at least fight for Scylla.

* * *

This vision had been surprisingly nice. So far, Raelle hadn’t died and just walked out the door, but it would be naïve to assume that it would be this simple. The blonde had promised to be back later, and whatever would be happening then, it was probably when the other shoe would be dropping as well, and everything would take a turn for the worst.

But the warmth she had felt on her knee, on her hand where her bare skin came into contact with Raelles, it was unlike anything she had felt in a long time, none of the memories had felt as real. Was she losing her focus again? Her hold on her emotions had been slipping all day, and seeing Raelle so kind, apologetic and determined was just too good to not indulge herself.

However much she tried to remind herself that all of it was fake, that she would just open her eyes surrounded by darkness again, she just couldn’t help but enjoy that sliver of happiness. It was the closest thing to being happy, content even, that she had been in a long time.

Would this memory be her downfall? The thing that would ultimately and finally wreck her?

She couldn’t stop staring at her hand, still feeling the lingering warmth, the touch, everything had felt so real. Would she really mind if this one would destroy her? She had been waiting for so long, and so far, it seemed like this might be the sweetest downfall she could have wished for.

But indulging was dangerous, the more she enjoyed it, the more it would hurt and rip her apart at the seams, even if there wasn’t much left to come undone, every threat they had managed to cut so far had hurt, it hurt so much. But she was used to it, would a few more really make a difference?

Her hand clenched into a fist, trying to keep the warmth trapped between her fingertips and pressing it against her chest to keep it as close to her shattered heart as possible.

“Please, Raelle. Destroy me gently.”


	3. A Light in the Dark?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your continued support! Most of you prefer longer chapters, so this one is a little longer. :)
> 
> I spent one evening designing a little something you'll understand further into the chapter, so it took a little longer to finish. Updates will probably take a little longer now too.
> 
> Generally, this chapter is lots of sweetness. I'm not sure I'm happy about it, but enjoy anyway!
> 
> Trigger Warning:  
> \- mention of death

Raelle still wasn’t ready to face any of her friends, so she spent the rest of the afternoon walking around and constructing plans to make Scylla believe her. She would also have to talk to Anacostia again, but that could wait until tomorrow.

So Scylla was convinced she wasn’t in Fort Salem, but somewhere in a cell, trapped in a false memory in which Raelle would apparently die? A twinge of unease swept through the blonde, maybe Scylla had a gift of foreseeing the future? No, that was nonsense, not even Tally could do that.

It looked like everything she could say to reference moments between them wouldn’t be of any use. Whoever had tortured her managed to break through the before impenetrable walls the brunette had so carefully build up and kept a strong hold on her awareness ever since.

Maybe creating new, happy memories would help? But Scylla didn’t seem like she would be inclined to feel happy, at least not as happy as Raelle would want her to be. Then again, not starting somewhere wouldn’t help, and she couldn’t expect the brunette to return to her sweet and sassy self within a day after being locked away for years.

Step one would be creating new, happy memories. Something small to begin with, and the blonde already knew exactly what she would like that first new memory to be. She would just have to hurry up and gather everything she would need to finish in time before visiting Scylla again.

* * *

It was just dark enough to comfortably blend in with the shadows, most soldiers had already retreated to their sleeping quarters and the chances of being seen were slim as it is, but Raelle didn’t want to take any chances.

This was important, getting to Scylla in time to hold up her promise might be the most important thing she had done in a long while. It was the little things after all.

The coast seemed clear, no one was standing guard on the back of the building, where the brunette had her room. A patrol had just passed as well, so Raelle had some time before someone even had a chance of catching her.

Using Salva was like second nature at this point. They had used it so many times, her… experiences from basic felt like so long ago. She would never forget them, as they were closely entwined with the woman she was about to finally see again, but it wasn’t as distracting as it used to be.

Knocking on the window felt awkward. The lights in the room were off so it was fairly hard to see anything, but Raelle was 95% convinced that this was Scyllas room. Any other possibilities she would rather not be thinking about right now.

It took about a minute until a pale face appeared and a few seconds more before the window was slowly opened. Raelle climbed through, movements more awkward than she had expected, and softly closed the window behind her, before facing the brunette.

Scylla was still wearing the same dirty clothes, hesitantly watching Raelle from a few feet away.

“Hey. I hope you haven’t been waiting for too long, had to make sure that no one saw me come in. Is there still a guard in front of your door?”

The brunette eyed her for another second, eyebrows slightly furrowed as if she was considering something, before her expression went neutral again.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t really expecting you to show up again to begin with. It probably won’t be too long now anyway before this memory will pass as well. And yes, there is a guard in front of the door.”

Raelle used a seed to somewhat soundproof the room before letting their conversation continue, trying to ignore the way her heart seemed to twitch at Scyllas words.

“It won’t pass, but I know that you won’t believe me right now, so maybe we can just spend some time together?”

The brunette uncomfortably switched from one foot to the other, averting her eyes to one corner of the room.

“Sure. What would you like to do?”

As messed up as the whole situation was, seeing Scylla like this was a little endearing. But Raelle was on a mission, and the first thing she had to take care of was making sure that Scylla felt more like herself, so her eyes scanned the room, searching for a spare set of clothes that the brunette could change into. She only saw a basic grey T-Shirt and their usual combat trousers.

“Did they give you something comfortable to wear as well?”

Scylla followed her eyes, slowly shaking her head.

“No. I guess there’s no need for me to be comfortable.”

Deciding to ignore the swell of anger she felt rising in her chest, Raelle took off her backpack and sat it down on the desk, rummaging through it until she pulled out another shirt and some cotton sweatpants.

“I’ll give you some of mine then. The shirt looks the same so should someone see you wearing it, there shouldn’t be any questions. We might have to be a little careful with the pants, but if push comes to shove, we will come up with a reason for you to have them. They’re both mine, so don’t worry about giving them back any time soon.”

Scylla tentatively reached out, carefully taking the offered clothes into her own hands. The brunette looked herself up and down, before meeting Raelles eyes for the first time since the blonde came back.

“Are you sure? I’m not suited to be wearing your clothes right now.”

Raelle didn’t want to bring it up when they saw each other before, there were more pressing matters than what Scylla has been wearing, or when she had taken her last shower. But the brunette was right, she was in dire need of clean up.

The blonde had hoped for some sort of cooperation on Scyllas part, that she had even brought the topic up herself made it just a little easier.

“We can clean you up, I brought everything we might need because I wasn’t sure what they had given you so far.”

A small nod was her only answer, so Raelle passed Scylla to reach the bathroom door, peaking her head in to get an idea about what they would be working with. There was a toilet to the left, with a shower right behind it. A sink made up the right side of the room, accompanied by a bathtub.

The sink was imbedded into some kind of stone surface on top of a wooden cabinet, where the blonde was able to make out a few basic bathroom necessities like a toothbrush and paste, hairbrush, towels and other hygiene supplies. Yes, they could certainly work with that.

Scylla hadn’t moved an inch while Raelle took stock of the bathroom setup. She looked around the room anxiously, appearing to be searching for something that could attack them any moment.

“Scylla.”

Gentle blue met its suspicious counterpart.

“We’re safe here. Come, we can get you out of these clothes and into something more comfortable.”

The brunette was still rooted to the floor, not comfortable with leaving so much of the room unsupervised. Raelle stepped closer slowly.

“We’ll just walk into there real quick and close the door, okay? That way if someone would want to come in, they would have to not only enter the room first, but come into the bathroom as well. We will be able to hear them before they even know where we are.”

Scylla still seemed unsure, so Raelle simply held out her hand to the other woman, waiting patiently for her to make a decision. The brunettes eyes flickered from Raelles hand to her eyes and back, before finally, slowly, accepting the offered hand.

Weaving their fingers together still felt natural for Raelle, sure, Scylla was thinner than last time, but still knowing that it was the brunette she was gently tugging along behind her filled Raelles heart with emotions she had shoved in a box and locked away in the deepest corners of herself.

As soon as they had crossed the threshold, the blonde closed the door, squeezing Scyllas hand once to try and reassure her that everything was going to be okay before dropping it to gather the towels by the sink. It was while she picked them up, that she realized her original plan meant staying here with the brunette, without considering what taking a shower and cleaning up entailed.

“I should have asked this before, but do you want me to wait outside?”

Scylla immediately shock her head, it was the fastest response Raelle had seen so far.

“No. I feel more comfortable when you’re within reach, there are a lot of things that can go wrong while you’re separated from me.”

This would inevitably mean that Raelle would have to make Scylla feel uncomfortable, as much as she would like to stay close to the brunette, she still had her duties to uphold. And so far it seemed also unclear when general Alder planned on deploying her newest additions to the force.

It probably wasn’t too long before they would try to take Scylla again.

Raelle shock her head at herself, she wanted to make the other girl feel better, not let a possible future depress her.

“Okay. We’ll uh, we’ll figure this out. I could fill up the bathtub while you get out of this sorry excuse of a uniform?”

Scylla just gave another curt nod before grabbing the hem of her shirt. They had seen each other without clothes before, and the concept of being naked wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, but this felt different. With Scylla not thinking this was real, it felt like a violation of her privacy to keep looking. Raelle turned around, busying herself with finding the right temperature for the water and filling up the bathtub.

She could hear the brunette undress behind her, the soft thump every time an article hit the floor. This was strange, being so close, nearly domestic, but not being either at the same time. When there were no further sounds coming from behind, Raelle peaked over her shoulder.

The blonde couldn’t stop herself from spinning around immediately. To think that seeing Scylla like this for the first time again would make her angry was certainly unexpected. The skin around her wrists, ankles and neck was raw and appeared to be infected.

It would make sense for the military to not treat injuries that weren’t major, if they even took care of those. Goddess was she angry. They had _no_ right to treat Scylla like that. Yes she did all these horrible things, and yes maybe Raelle was biased, but damn them!

With a lump in her throat, the blonde stepped back in front of Scylla, carefully reaching for one of her wrists, but stopping just a few inches from the tender flesh.

“May I?”

Another nod and Raelle gently picked it up, inspecting the wound a little closer. It looked like the shackles had rubbed against Scyllas joints painfully over the years. There were old and new scratches on top of slightly bruised skin. It would be an easy fix, but seeing someone you loved get hurt in any way was never pleasant.

The blonde would also have to avoid linking, because in Scyllas current state of mind, who knew what something like that could trigger. It was just such a mess.

Singing the necessary seed was done quickly, and watching the wounds disappear was a relieve and a curse at the same time. It felt like everything Scylla had gone through was just whispered away, and it sadly wasn’t that easy.

“There, way better. Let’s get you in the bathtub.”

The brunette followed Raelle without question, letting her lead the way to the bathtub before carefully stepping in and sitting down. As soon as she was comfortable, Raelle passed her the shower gel and shampoo. Scylla stared at both items for a few seconds, before her eyes wandered to the wall beside her, voice so low the blonde had to strain her ears to be able to understand what she was saying.

“I just realized that I was also in Fort Salem when I took my last real shower, with shampoo and such. It was… never the same after. Makes you appreciate the most mundane things.”

Raelle felt elated whenever Scylla decided to initiate a conversation, but it felt like a punch to the gut whenever she did as well. Deep breaths in, hold, and out. At this point, she was convinced her jaw would hurt worse than it ever had before, and her teeth would ache by the time tomorrow rolled around. Don’t let the anger get the best of you, refrain yourself, be here for her, be here _with_ her.

“Let me help you, I can get your hair for you?”

Blue met blue, and Raelle wasn’t sure if she saw a hint of suspicion or surprise.

“You want to wash my hair?”

“Yeah, if you’re okay with it?”

Scylla held her eyes for a few more seconds, before returning them to the bottles in her hands.

“Of course.”

The brunette handed over the bigger of the two bottles, and Raelle placed it on the rim before shrugging out of her jacket and shoes, letting them fall to the floor.

“Can you lean back a little please? I need to get your hair wet.”

Scylla complied once more, letting her eyes fall shut as soon as the warm water from the shower head hit her.

Raelle carefully moved the water upwards, watching it run across the pronounced bones of a spine, too prominent shoulder blades and finally weaving its way through brown locks.

The hair was longer than when they last saw each other. In fact, it appeared like it hadn’t been cut ever since. There were a lot of knots Raelle had to work around and try loosening, but they had time now, no one knew she was here.

By the time the blonde lithered her palm with shampoo, the water wasn’t as clear anymore. Her hands gently massaged across skin, compiled hair to make sure she would get every last strand.

A soft hum was the only thing else reflected from the tiles.

“This is nice.”

The smile that broke out on Raelles face couldn’t have been bigger. Scylla seemed nearly content, and it was unbelievably rewarding to see her relax more into the blondes fingers with every movement.

“It is.”

She kept up her ministrations for a few more minutes, simply to watch Scylla enjoy the moment, enjoy _her_.

“Would you like to do the rest yourself?”

“Yes, please.”

Raelle dipped her hands into the warm water, clearing away leftover suds before drying her hands on a spare towel. The blonde leaned against the wall, left arm propped up on the rim of the bathtub, head resting on her fist, watching Scylla.

She couldn’t help but smile, their circumstances may be anything but ideal, but this she could enjoy. The brunette hadn’t looked so relaxed since they reunited, and Raelle hoped she could keep up the mood they were in right now. Just two women, tucked away in a small bathroom somewhere, simply enjoying the silent presence of each other.

Scylla was fairly quick with the rest of her bath, and when one of her hands ran down her right calf, her eyes met Raelles once more.

“Is there a razor somewhere by chance too?”

The blonde hadn’t noticed before, mind filled with so many other, more pressing matters. Honestly, she wouldn’t care either way, but she knew Scyllas preferences, so she climbed back to her feet and handed her the sought-after object.

Raelle picked up her jacket and the clothes the brunette had been wearing before while Scylla finished her short bath. When she stepped out of the bathtub, the blonde wordlessly held open a bigger towel, and Scylla only hesitated for a second before stepping closer and letting Raelle wrap her up.

The material wasn’t as soft as Raelle would have wanted, but these weren’t their own things, so they would have to make do. The blonde rubbed along Scyllas arms a few times, before letting the brunette take control of the towel.

After Scylla finished dressing, Raelle led her out of the bathroom and onto the edge of the bed. She climbed in behind the brunette and wordlessly started brushing her hair. She would have offered Scylla to do it herself, but with the knots she had seen before, she was a little afraid the brunette would simply hurt herself.

The room was silent beside the sporadic sound of a brush running through hair. Something warm suddenly touched Raelles knee. Scylla had moved a hand back, gently gripping the material of Raelles pants, seemingly making sure that the blonde was still right there, even if she could feel her brushing her hair.

Stopping her ministrations to softly squeeze Scyllas hand, showing her that she understood, that she was indeed still here, seemed like the right thing to do. The hand stayed on Raelles knee until the blonde returned the hairbrush to the bathroom.

When she entered the room again, she picked up her backpack before sitting down beside Scylla, who turned around to fully face her, knees crossed, eyes never leaving Raelles form.

“I brought something for you. Well, I made it too. I remember you telling me that after your parents got killed, they took all of their belongings, leaving you with nothing physical to hold on to, to remember them by. I know it’s not the same, but here.”

Raelle held out her hand, a combat charm lying in her palm, waiting for a reaction from the other girl.

Scylla just stared at her hand, eyes wide, a hand reaching out only to retreat again, seemingly trapped in a loop. Raelle wasn’t sure how the brunette would be reacting, but she had been hoping for something more telling.

“You like it?”

She wasn’t expecting Scyllas eyes to suddenly bore into hers, glittering like they hadn’t since that moment five years ago.

“This is beautiful. You made it for _me_?”

Raelle felt herself relax, a soft smile spreading across her face.

“Yeah. I thought with how things currently are, and what they want you to do… It just seemed like the right thing. Give you something to protect you out there. I want to stay by your side to make sure of that myself, but I know now that we can never prepare ourselves for what is waiting out there.”

Scyllas eyes wandered back to the combat charm, reaching out once more to carefully pick it up, cradling it in the palms of her hands like it would disappear the moment she moved too quickly, looked away for just a second. Her eyes were filled with wonder, the most emotions Raelle had seen until now.

“It’s a tree of life?”

Always the smart one, Raelle had to smile a little wider herself at that.

“Yes. I think it’s fitting for you, being a necro and everything. In my opinion, the tree of life displays its own never ending circle of life. The earth it’s tethered to is filled with so many generations, so much history helping it grow, creating new life, providing sustenance for more life.”

Scylla took in every detail of the charm, eyes scanning across the tree, finger tracing the runes on the trunk, before questioning eyes met Raelles once again.

“The one at the top of the trunk is for protection, because more than anything, I want you to be safe. The one just above the roots is for strength, because your strength is what’s keeping it all together. You may not believe me right now, but you’re so strong, you’re the strongest person I know. Every aspect of the tree, of yourself, is build on your own strength.”

There was a slight tremble in the finger tracing over the rune, but Scylla remained quiet, intent to hear more.

“The two in the roots are for success and trust. Because your strength is what’s making you successful, even if you don’t feel strong, or like everything is destined to fail, it will be a success in the end. And trust for the people that you love, that make you feel like a better version of yourself, feeding into your strength, allowing you to trust them to begin with.”

Scylla looked at her again, and Raelle felt her heart fill with warmth. She could have sworn there was something resembling love in her eyes now, making her choke a little on her next words.

“It’s strength to trust someone, because trusting them also means you give them the power to hurt you. You’re making yourself vulnerable in the most powerful of ways.”

The unsaid apology hung heavily between them. The admittance that mistakes have been made, that both got hurt in ways neither of them had intended. The words held so much more weight than either was comfortable to admit out loud.

Scylla stopped tracing the charm, hand covering one of Raelles, squeezing softly. The gesture carried more words than they were able to speak out loud just yet. _I understand. I’m sorry for hurting you too. No more secrets between us. I still trust you. I never stopped trusting you. I never stopped loving you._

“And the ribbon around the trunk is a selfish addition from my part. It’s a reference to my own family charm. I want you to know that I will always be by your side from here on out. No matter where any of this leads us, I’ll be with you. My family will be with yours until the end of time, because you changed my life in ways I never would have expected. It only seems fair to honor that, honor you, and the family you come from.”

Scyllas hand closed tightly around the charm, pressing it against her chest, lip quivering.

“You lost your parents, and I lost my mom, and losing family sucks. But it doesn’t mean we can’t try and make our own family. I realized that family isn’t tied to blood, my unit is family, they are my sisters, and you are my family.”

* * *

Her heart was filled in ways it hadn’t been in years. Raelles words were so achingly sweet, it was more than she could ever have imagined. This whole scenario was more than she could ever have wished for. If this was her last hail mary before it all ended, she couldn’t have wished for a sweeter one.

Something warm slid down her cheek, her index finger catching it before it was able to fall. She stared at the wetness, was she crying? But she hadn’t cried in years, she hadn’t allowed herself to feel enough to cry. Her vision got blurry, and she tried to blink the offending haze away, only to feel more warmth sliding down her cheeks.

She heard Raelle move, could feel the shift of the mattress beneath them, before she was enveloped in even more warmth. A hand cradled the back of her head, carefully pulling her face into the crook of a familiar neck, while an arm wrapped around her.

She hadn’t been this close to someone in years, and it was overwhelming. The whole situation was overwhelming, but in the best of ways. Raelle still smelled the same, still felt the same and it made an alarm go off in her head to remind her that this was more proof that none of this was real. But goddess couldn’t she care less.

Scylla could remind herself later that she had to stay focused, but if this might be the last time she ever had Raelle like this, she would enjoy it as much as she could.

“Thank you.”

She gripped the back of Raelles shirt with the hand that wasn’t pressing the charm to her chest, the hand wedged between them, it was an awkward position, but it was perfect.

“It’s perfect. I can’t even put into words how beautiful it is.”

The brunette could feel Raelle press the side of her head a little harder against Scyllas own neck.

“You’re welcome.”

They stayed like this for a while, just holding on to each other, reassuring themselves that the other was still there, that this memory wasn’t over yet, until Scylla tensed.

“I lost the corsage. When I woke up after the wedding, my jacket was gone, and I never figured out what they had done with it. It was the first thing you ever gave to me, and I lost it.”

She could feel Raelle tighten her hold a little, not allowing Scylla to pull back just yet.

“I have it. I’ve kept it for you, you can have it back whenever you want to. I considered giving it to you today, but it just didn’t feel as fitting as the charm did.”

“You kept it?”

Scylla could feel Raelle nod more than she saw it.

“Of course, it was made for you after all. Not my place to decide what would happen with it.”

The warmth just seemed to keep growing today.

“You’re sweet.”

“Only for you.”

Scylla wasn’t sure how many more emotions she could handle, they had all been snuffed out for so long, that she was afraid they would overload her senses and wake her up, return her back to reality. She reluctantly pulled back again, and Raelle didn’t stop her this time.

“Do you have any other surprises in that backpack?”

Raelle laughed, eyes twinkling in that way Scylla had always found fascinating, like a diamond reflecting light.

“Impatient, are we?”

She still leaned over, pulling the item in question in what little space remained between them.

“It’s just a few snacks, some of your favorites of course. And I brought a card game, because I wasn’t sure what you’d want to do.”

Of course Raelle had brought some of her favorite snacks, that was just the person she was. Always paying attention, even if she tried to hide it in front of her friends most of the time. It made Scylla wonder if the Raelle now was still doing that, how she might have changed over the years.

Everything tasted so different from when she remembered, mostly way too sweet. It made her question if they messed up the memory sequence, or if they tried to make it as real as possible. Either didn’t matter when Raelle laughed at her scrunched up face, the sound still the sweetest thing in the world.

She certainly would be okay with this being her last memory.

They ended up simply talking for hours, Raelle telling her about all the things she had done since they last saw each other. The blonde was using her hands to gesture, emphasizing things she deemed important. It was endearing, and Scylla was content to just watch, asking a question here and there, but mostly enjoying the sound of Raelles voice. 

“Is it okay for you if I stay here tonight? I know this might seem rushed, but if you’re okay with it, I’d stay.”

Nothing about their relationship had been done in a traditional way, that was part of what made it so special to begin with, and just the thought of seeing Raelle leave again, making her wonder if she would ever see her again, if she would be alive if she did, twisted her heart unpleasantly.

“Stay.”

The smile Raelle sent her way chased away the feeling. They brushed teeth together in the bathroom, and it was the first time Scylla saw herself in a memory. She barely recognized herself. The long hair, sunken face, bags under her eyes, pale skin and generally too thin esthetic so different from the person she had been last time.

They really had gone all out with this memory. And if she really looked like this right now, she was somewhat relieved that Raelle didn’t want to see her again. The last thing she wanted was to make her think she tried to guilt trip the blonde, or even fish for sympathy. 

Getting into bed was awkward. More awkward than they had ever been before. Scylla wasn’t completely sure about this Raelles intentions, and Raelle seemed afraid to initiate something that the brunette wasn’t comfortable with.

They ended up lying side by side, no space left between them because of the size of the bed, staring at the ceiling.

The darkness made Scylla uneasy. She was used to it, but she was used to it in the safety of her cell, not a memory with Raelle in it. The only light came from the moon, barely outlining silhouettes and not nearly enough to ease Scyllas growing concerns. She was about to turn her head again to check if Raelle was still there, when something touched her pinky.

It was Raelle, her own pinky wrapping around Scyllas gently, reminding her that she was still here. It relaxed Scylla more than she would have thought possible of such a small gesture. This Raelle was really able to read her like an open book, seemingly understanding her without talking.

It was nice. It made her feel content. It was dangerous to let all of these emotions flow through her again, but she couldn’t help herself. This was Raelle, even if she wasn’t the real one, but it was still Raelle.

Illusions could be such a blissful thing.

She tightened her hold on Raelles pinky slightly, closing her eyes, and finally letting exhaustion take over with the warmth of the girl she loved as the last anchor to consciousness.

* * *

They woke up early, Raelle had to make sure she got out before a guard came to check in or the base got too busy with people to risk someone seeing her sneaking out of a window.

Scylla couldn’t believe that Raelle was still beside her when she woke up, their pinkies still locked together. It was the first time she was thankful for those creating her memories.

“Maybe I’ll be able to see you at breakfast? I’m not sure I can come and actually eat with you, but maybe we can at least see each other? If I don’t manage to come talk to you during the day, I will be back here as soon as the sun went down, promise. Would you want me to bring anything over?”

The waiting might be the worst part about this memory.

“No, it’s okay. I’m happy with just seeing you.”

Raelle smiled again, and with another promise of coming back later, she disappeared out of the window.

This start of her day was the nicest she could remember from all the memories, and she really, really didn’t mind.


	4. Higher-Level Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay, work was really busy and before I knew what happened, two weeks were over. Updating might stick to the somewhat two week schedule until christmas.
> 
> Thank you so much for your kind words! This chapter feels more like an in-between to get the plot further along, new characters are introduced and I'm trying to get the familiar ones into their five years later mindset, hope it's not too OOC and somewhat relatable.
> 
> Trigger Warning:  
> \- Mention of death

It was hard to fathom some sense of time after not having access to it for as long as she had. The guard entered her room what felt like long after Raelle had left. But it was Raelle, and every second without her made Scylla anxious, seconds could turn into hours, at least they felt like it.

“Inmate, it’s time for breakfast. Do not try anything or you will force our hand.”

She just nodded, walking out of the room and starting down the hallway in silence. In the past, she would have tried her hardest to grate on every last of the guards nerves, until she ultimately would have snapped. But now she wasn’t sure if that would be what would kill Raelle this time. It was better not to risk it.

The cafeteria was just as busy as it had been last time, people either looked grumpy about having to get up so early in the morning or fairly happy about the new chances the promise of another day provided. Scylla wasn’t sure which one she could relate with more.

Raelle was nowhere to be seen, the possibilities of what that entailed were so vast, she would prefer to not think about it too much and instead focus on eating her breakfast. There was no rush as far as Scylla was aware, and taking her time meant she might get a chance of seeing Raelle again.

The blonde didn’t show up. She was tempted to just stay where she was, waiting for as long as it would take for Raelle to make an appearance, but her guards told her to come with them as soon as they were finished, and she really didn’t want to push her luck. Maybe it would be the right thing to go and look for Raelle, maybe she needed her help. But maybe Scylla showing up right now would trigger another disaster.

She didn’t know what to do. What would be the wrong thing? Was there even a right way for any of this?

Stop.

Thinking.

So.

Much.

Her guards escorted her down a familiar path once more, opening the door to the office as soon as entrance was granted from the other side.

General Alder stood up as soon as they entered, expression as stoic as ever.

Scylla let her eyes wander around the room, there were more people in the office than yesterday. Soldiers stood along the walls, either keeping watch over other occupants or staring straight ahead.

There appeared to be around ten other prisoners, some of them had a murderous glint in their eyes, looking like they would jump at any moment, while others eyed their surroundings suspiciously.

“Inmates.”

Apparently, Scylla and her escort were the last to arrive. The brunette wasn’t sure if the office would have been able to house more people as it is.

“You were debriefed upon arrival yesterday.”

A woman beside Scylla scoffed, shaking her head as if it was one of the stupidest things she had had to listen to in a while, the sharp look Alder sent her was ignored.

“The Camarilla are rising faster than we could have imagined, killing more witches every day. They are taking out small settlements across the world, destroying centuries of history within a day. The settlements don’t stand a chance. Most don’t even know that the Camarilla are back, until they get attacked and it’s too late.”

The thought of families enjoying dinner after a long day at work, talking about their days, their accomplishments, their dreams, just to see how their loved ones get ripped from them within seconds tucked uneasily at Scyllas heart. An image of her parents, hands in the air to surrender, flashed through her mind.

“Their raids are gruesome. Only a handful of people managed to survive the attacks so far, mostly because they weren’t at home when it happened. You will be sent there to systematically take out the Camarilla raiding parties. We do not know how many there are, nor do we know how many members those groups have.”

They would be sent in blind, not knowing what dangers lurked around the corner, every step would be a risk. Scyllas heart stumbled, they wouldn’t be sending Raelle with them, would they? Goddess please, don’t let them make her watch how a Camarilla tore out her throat, or burned her alive, or even just punched her.

“You are all here for a reason, you betrayed your country, sentenced to live out the rest of your miserable days in a cell. But we are feeling generous, this is your chance to prove that you are still valuable to your country. If you can show us your value, your sentence will be dropped and you are allowed to return to society.”

The woman beside Scylla scoffed again, crossed her arms and stared out of a window. The brunette could understand her reaction. They were deployed for a suicide mission, wrapped in nice words and false promises. Though Scylla wasn’t worried about herself, she was only worried that they would be sending Raelle with them.

“Due to your circumstances, you do not get to choose if you want to go or stay in prison. You _will_ be deployed, the terrain is mostly unexplored for us too, so if you try to run, chances of you stumbling into a Camarilla hideout are high. Do not expect us to be looking for you, the team you will be assigned to is to leave you behind. No one will be coming to save you once you turn your back on your country again. And rest assured, you won’t be making it back to the US without our help either.”

Alder sure knew how to motivate someone, in all the wrong ways, but who was Scylla to judge.

“Your team will be the only thing you can rely on while you are out there, I would advise you to get along. It is in your best interest to work with each other, but what you ultimately will be doing is up to you. If you want to get yourself killed, by all means, go ahead.”

The woman to her right grit her teeth, jaw muscles tensing uncomfortably. Scylla wondered if she would be one of those who would take her chance of running as soon as they were dropped off.

“You will be getting two days to prepare yourself. Until then, there will be mandatory classes to help you get acquainted with your seed usage again. We will be leaving at first light on the third day. Today, you will be assigned your teams and meet them in the training area to learn about each other’s capabilities.”

Teamwork with a bunch of criminals, this should be fun, and probably as dangerous as jumping into enemy territory. Scylla wasn’t sure what would be worse, getting killed by a Camarilla soldier, or a should be teammate.

“Another debriefing will follow on the evening before your deployment. Until then, I hope to see you take this opportunity as the chance it is, anything else will be handled as we see fit. Now, go to the training area to find your assigned unit, there will be others already waiting. Dismissed.”

A Camarilla takedown like nothing before, the military really had to be desperate if they just send out people at a hunch. This was such a strange memory to create, what do they think they would gain by forcing her to fight in a war with the outcome that she would probably be dead within days?

It didn’t necessarily sound like they would be deploying other soldiers with them, so Raelle should be safe here. Except for if they would deploy Scylla and the Camarilla would attack the base. But with her probably dying right away, there was no way she would be getting the notification that something had happened.

It made no sense.

The prisoners were escorted to the training area, the scoffing woman from before now had a deep scowl on her face. She looked anything but happy, and Scylla wondered for a second what she had done to be sentenced to death. At the end, it wasn’t important, she was just another creation, a random face to make everything appear more real.

The training area hasn’t been changed from how she remembered it, the only difference was that instead of young and ambitious privates, weathered and angry witches filled the space. As soon as the door closed behind the brunettes group, a sergeant that Scylla didn’t even bother to remember the name of introduced herself.

The sergeant began listing the names of the unit leaders and called for the respective members right after. If your name was announced, you had to walk to the before assigned unit spot and wait for further instructions.

“Dallarosa unit.”

Scowl-face stepped forward, shooting the sergeant a look that would have dropped her right where she stood if it could have killed.

“Ramshorn.”

So her unit leader would be the woman who seemed to hate the military with a passion rivaling Scyllas own. This could get interesting, would they try to coax information out of her by creating someone she could relate to?

But then again, there wouldn’t be a lot of time to get personal after they were dropped off in a war zone. There, once again, just didn’t seem to be any sort of logic to all of this.

The brunette stood a few feet beside her new unit leader, the woman must have been around ten years Scyllas senior, she had brown, very curly, shoulder-length hair, grey eyes and if she had to guess, Scylla would say her family origins were somewhere around Columbia.

“Feyrer.”

Another woman, this one with a very muscular build, came over. Her light blonde hair was tied into a neat knot at the back of her head. She looked like she grew up with the blood of the military pumping through her veins.

“Rupley unit.”

These two were her new unit now, the people who she should trust to watch her back and who she should keep safe in return while they were deployed. But all of them were just pawns to secure the king would survive another move. Sacrificed without even thinking about it for as long as a second.

They kept quiet. None of them were too keen on starting a conversation that wouldn’t actually be of interest to either of them. Scyllas eyes kept scanning the room, curious if there were other prisoners that she knew from her time with the Spree.

By the time everyone was assigned a unit, there was no sign of a familiar face.

“Get to know your unit. You will have to rely on each other out there, if you don’t, your trip will be short and unpleasant.”

So much for staying quiet and observing everything.

“What were you in for?”

Feyrers eyes were locked on their unit leader. Scylla wasn’t sure if she was impressed with the forwardness, or put off by it. Dallarosa kept staring at a spot across the room, before slowly turning her head to face the blonde. Her head tilted slightly to the right, arms crossed.

“Hmm. Straight posture, kept in shape even though you were locked up, meticulously dressed, no hair out of place. I’d guess you live and breath the military dream. That in turn can only mean you never did anything that could have been deemed a betrayal and only leaves us with the option that you either crossed the wrong person on your rise to power, or you followed a few orders too closely and someone had to be the bad guy for the public.”

The only reaction Dallarosa got was the twitch of a jaw muscle, before the blonde nodded once.

“I did what was necessary to protect our country. And I’m glad I can do it again. Now that you’ve figured me all out Dallarosa, tell me why you are here.”

A predatory smile graced the unit leaders lips, and Scylla could see a glint in her eyes that wasn’t there before. It almost seemed like she was enjoying herself.

“And why would I do that, Feyrer?”

“Because I don’t want to go out there to die. I have every intention of coming back here, and my chances are higher if I know what you could do to try and betray our country again.”

Dallarosas smile widened.

“I love the way we’re building trust here. Already makes me feel so much better about being forced to die for someone who was planning on killing me anyway.”

The blondes jaw twitched again.

“I do not care about what you think, I only want to know what you did to be able to protect myself from possible back-stabbing.”

Dallarosa laughed, and Scylla wasn’t sure which one of them was more likely to take the first chance out that they got. Feyrer apparently wouldn’t mind using them as pawns for her own benefit, and Dallarosa seemed like she would try to ditch them as soon as possible.

“Don’t worry, I’ve never hurt a soul. On the contrary, I kept people from dying. An act the military wasn’t happy about. So stop worrying about anyone back-stabbing you. The only one who should be worried appear to be Ramshorn and I.”

They held eye contact for a little longer, before turning their attention to Scylla.

“What did you do?”

The brunette wasn’t sure what had happened in this reality while she was locked up. Were the Spree still a terrorist organization? Or were they more respected now that the Camarilla had the standing they had? It was a gamble to be honest, but her wardens knew that she was with the Spree, so that wouldn’t be new information.

“Blew up a balloon.”

Feyrers expression turned into a sneer, the look she shot Scylla made her feel like she was the dirtiest thing the blonde had ever seen.

“You’re Spree scum, great.”

Dallarosa didn’t look like it troubled her, on the contrary, she seemed more interested in Scylla than she had been before.

“Turns out we were right in the end, but no one was willing to listen, and look where the Camarilla appear to be now.”

Feyrer still looked like she couldn’t believe she was paired with a Spree agent, but Dallarosa nodded slightly, offering Scylla a form of understanding before catching her units attention again.

“Now that we’re all best friends and I got the honors of leading us into doom, what were your specialties? I was trained to be a knower.”

Feyrer kept her eyes on Scylla, it was starting to make her feel a little uneasy, being confronted with distain wasn’t unusual, it was normal to be treated like dirt in prison. But somehow, this was different. Raelle walked these grounds, she was nice and forgiving, so unlike the person she knew she had seen last. So different from the truth.

But Scylla knew she was starting to get attached to this version of Raelle too. She always got attached to the blonde, it appeared to be intuition at this point, she just couldn’t not get attached.

Feyrers distain only bothered her because she feared it would turn this version of Raelle against her. That she would have to live through a memory where Raelle slowly started hating her all over again, just for Scylla to stand by, watch while the girl she loved slipped through her fingers again.

“I’m a blaster. So you better watch who you’re trying to sell out, Spree, or I’ll blow you off the face of this earth faster than you can even say the word balloon.”

Yeah, Scylla certainly would be getting along well with Feyrer.

“I was in necro training.”

“The traitor will be our eyes and ears? Unbelievable.”

Dallarosa sighed, her arms uncrossed and her right hand went to her head to rub at her temple.

“Enough. If we need to be a team out there, this nonsense will get us killed before the Camarilla even know we’re there. So tone it in, keep it to yourself, or I’ll get unpleasant. And yes, with me being unit leader, you better listen to me, or I can make your life more miserable than prison ever was. Are we clear?”

There certainly could have been worse people to be put in charge of a unit. Even though Dallarosa had been scowling at everything Alder had to say, she appeared to not want to die out there any more than Feyrer did.

The blonde shot Scylla one last look before turning her attention to their unit leader.

“Completely.”

“Good. We have to meet up here again first thing tomorrow morning, get some rest, calm down.”

Grey eyes swept over Scyllas form once.

“And get some food in your system, we don’t need you collapsing because your body can’t keep up.”

Without another word, Dallarosa turned around and walked out of the room. Yes, she was the kind of person Scylla could see herself getting along with, so the wardens did a good job with creating her as a unit leader.

Feyrer followed right after, not sparing Scylla another glance.

If Dallarosa was to be her ally, was Feyrer the one who was supposed to push her to trust the other brunette and tell them whatever it is they wanted to know?

The mess just kept getting bigger and bigger.

* * *

Raelle returned to her room unnoticed, but she knew it would only be a few hours before she had to face Abigail and possibly Tally and talk about Scylla being here.

Luckily, with Abigail being promoted to Sergeant herself at this point, and Tally being a Biddy, Raelle had a room to herself. Sneaking in and out unnoticed was less of a hassle than it could have been.

She set herself a timer to catch some more necessary hours of sleep before facing her friends and the reality of what this day might bring.

Her head was still filled with images of Scylla, trying to figure out a way to help the brunette. She really had to talk to Anacostia again.

Abigail was already at the cafeteria when she entered, and Raelle might have taken a little longer than usual to pick her food, before sitting down across from her friend.

“Mornin’.”

Abigail eyed her, trying to pick up on her mood.

“Good morning. So, we want to get right to the point? Or should we try talking around it for a little? I’m sure Tally would love to hear the details later too.”

Raelle shoved a spoon full of cereal into her mouth, slowly chewing while considering her options. There really was no use dragging this out longer than necessary. She swallowed and put her spoon back on the tray.

“Okay shoot, what do you want to ask.”

“Well, how are you? This must’ve been quite the shock. I can’t imagine what it’s like to see her after all these years.”

How _was_ she doing? The only thing on her mind so far had been Scylla, and how she was able to get her to snap out of whatever reality she thought she was trapped in. She did have a short lapse while talking to Anacostia, but that was also because she was worried about the brunette.

“I’m… Not sure to be honest. It’s a lot. Freaked out at Anacostias office yesterday, but I don’t actually know. Scared, maybe. It’s just, they brought her here as war meat. You know I’ve been struggling with how things ended between us for the last few years. And now she’s here, she’s right here and thinks that none of this is real and that she’s dreaming or something? I don’t know. They want to send her out there Abigail, they want to send her out there and she doesn’t even think this is real. She’s…”

Raelle had to swallow the lump in her throat.

“They’re going to get her killed. For real this time, and I can’t let that happen.”

“Hey.”

Abigails hand gently covered Raelles, trying to make her friend relax the fist that had been formed.

“We can figure this out, okay? Whatever you want to do, we need to think this through.”

“I know, it’s just… It’s not easy. I just want her to stay out of all this, but I don’t know how to keep her away. How to convince Alder that she can’t send Scylla out there.”

Her friends eyes were still searching, trying to assess her emotional state.

“It sounded like you talked to her? What’s this about her not thinking this is real?”

Goddess, wouldn’t she like to know herself what they did to Scylla to make her think she was trapped in a fake reality.

“I’m not sure. She just kept mentioning that this wasn’t real and would soon pass too. She also said something about trying to safe me, but always failing, and that she was so sorry she couldn’t prevent it. What did they do to her there Abs?”

“The Caribbean prison is no place anyone ever comes back from. It’s a miracle she’s even here… They’re very tight lipped about the happenings there, only a few selected people know what’s really going on. But I’m not sure if it would help you if you knew. Maybe it’s better if you focus on the present, and leave the difficult questions for a time where you’re both ready to face them.”

They had grown so much in the last years. The things they had seen, the things they had to do… It changed them all in ways they never would have thought possible.

“What can I do though? Can your Bellweather connections pull any strings? I have no idea what would make Alder keep her away from battle. It feels like every argument can easily be bested by her.”

Abigail shot her a sad smile.

“My mother has been on thin ice with the general for years, I’m afraid my name won’t be helping with this one. Tally could probably tell us more, but it wouldn’t be smart to actually tell her all the details. Her link to Alder will stop every chance you might have before it’s even a real chance.”

It felt like they kept losing Tally more and more each day. At first it was just strange to not have her with them at all times, and they still treated her like she was one of them. But as time went on, the distance between them grew. Her link to Alder and the other Biddies was more prominent each time they actually got to see her.

And at one point, it just ended with them not being as honest with their friend as they wanted to. It was painful, still is, but they all knew that it was dangerous to tell Tally everything. Alder got more drastic in the last few years as well, with the Camarilla ripping open wounds the general apparently never thought she had to face again.

If Tally hadn’t done what she did, and if Abigail wasn’t a Bellweather and Raelle so powerful, they would’ve been punished a long time ago.

“I know, I’ll have to talk to Anacostia again. Have you seen Tally recently? It’s been a while for me.”

She had feared that Abigail wouldn’t be able to help her, but at least she had tried.

“Ran into her just yesterday. She’s doing fine, asked about how you’re holding up, and if you had seen Scylla yet. She sounded worried, though I’m not sure if she was worried about you or your other half. She couldn’t say too much or stay too long, apparently Alder is nervous about the prisoners being here, and I can’t say it puts me at ease either.”

A sigh left Abigail and she poked around her own breakfast before facing Raelle again.

“Do you think the prisoners deploying means we’ll be deployed again too?”

Raelle knew that the deployments took their toll on Abigail. All the death they had to see, the destruction, the way some of their teammates had been murdered.

With Tally gone, their unit was missing a member. After coming back from China, there were so many things to take care of that it wasn’t a pressing matter to fill up their missing spot. In the end, the matter had been solved by another tragedy.

They weren’t deployed again until three years later, a follow up to another strike team that had been ambushed and nearly wiped out completely. The Moffett unit was part of the first team, and Glory had lost her sisters before she even knew what was happening.

When they returned to fort Salem, traumatized and more lost than they had ever been, Anacostia told them that Glory would be a part of the Bellweather unit from now on. Tally was the only one who seemed somewhat relieved about the news, claiming that knowing her sisters would be there for Glory was making her own absence a little better.

They had been deployed six times in the last two years. Some of the deployments were over within a few days, others took a few months. It didn’t get easier with time, each deployment left more scars, and each deployment just made them more scared to be deployed again.

“I don’t know. Maybe. But they’re here so we don’t have to fight on the front lines again, which is a really sick concept by the way. I’d like to stay with Scylla to keep an eye on her, keep her safe.”

Abigails smile was rueful and she took a few more bites of her breakfast before offering her own opinion on the matter.

“I can understand where you’re coming from, but I want to keep _you_ safe, and that means no front line deployments. Just… talk to Anacostia, and promise me you won’t do anything before talking it through with me. We’re a team okay? Whatever you decide to do, I at least want to know what’s going on.”

If their roles would be reversed, Raelle would want to know what’s going on too, but this was Scylla, and she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t be doing anything stupid to protect her.

“I’ll promise I’ll try.”

Another sigh left Abigail.

“Guess that’s as good as I’ll get right now. Just stay safe, please.”

Raelle hummed, and they finished the rest of their breakfast in silence.

Abigail had a meeting to attend and Raelle used the chance to try and find Anacostia again. If she was lucky, the sergeant wasn’t training anyone right now. She mentally reached out to her and Anacostia confirmed that she had time and would be meeting her outside.

They started walking in silence, getting further away from the buildings to try and get some privacy.

Raelle struggled with herself for a moment, considering what she should be saying to the sergeant before blurting out the first thing that came to her mind.

“I’m sorry about yesterday, that was out of line and uncalled for.”

“No, that was human. It’s been a while since you have seen her. I’m sorry I couldn’t warn you, I didn’t know that she would be brought back here.”

Ever since the events that led to China, Anacostia became something resembling a friend to Raelle. They talked a lot, exchanged information about official as well as private things. The sergeant began questioning Alder when Raelle and her unit did, her whole world got flipped upside down, and she wasn’t sure who she could trust besides those privates she barely knew but already had a soft spot for.

It was anything but a picture perfect world, but they had to play the hands they had been dealt, resulting in alliances and connections that would have never happened were the circumstances closer to normal.

“I know you would’ve told me if you knew. Do you know what the plan is? Has the general told you anything about when they are supposed to be leaving, where they are going, who’s going with them? Anything?”

The sergeant shock her head, stepping off the path and leading them towards a small forest.

“The general has kept me out of the loop on this one. She isn’t confiding in a lot of people these days, only her most trusted know specific details or dates beforehand. We both know that there have been a few instances where I wavered, that was enough for her to cut me off.”

Raelle looked around them, using a seed to make sure there wasn’t anyone close enough to listen in.

“What are we going to do, she’s getting more irrational every day. And with the president still being influenced by her, and the council seemingly too, our hands are basically tied.”

Anacostia stopped walking and scanned their surroundings hurriedly before turning to Raelle.

“What are you doing, you know you can’t just bring up these things. Not here. Not now.”

Raelle knew they had an agreement about these topics, but she was getting frustrated, things went out of control more and more, and she feared the point of no return had been crossed a long time ago.

“I’m sorry.”

Anacostia began walking again, eyes staring straight ahead and arms crossed behind her back.

“So you’ve said. I’m not sure how I can help you with this one. Scylla is a Spree agent that killed more than a thousand civilians, it doesn’t matter if she regrets what she did, on paper, she will always be one of the biggest terrorists. There are prisoners here that physically never hurt someone, whatever argument you want to find to keep her from the battlefield, it has to be a good one.”

The sergeant stopped again, it took Raelle a second to realize that they were in front of the tree she and Scylla had spend so much time at.

“And I don’t want to be the person to discourage you, but I can’t see a way that wouldn’t end with either or both of you dead.”

Yeah, that definitely wasn’t what Raelle had been hoping for when she requested to talk to the other woman.

“Well she’ll certainly be dead if they send her to goddess knows where.”

Anacostias expression softened, and a hand gently squeezed Raelles shoulder.

“You don’t know that for sure. Give her a reason to fight, when I linked with her, you were the most important thing to her. She would have done anything for you, she _did_. I haven’t seen her yet, but Scylla has always been a fighter, a real pain for sure, but she stood up for what she believed in. And she believed in _you_.”

Raelle couldn’t maintain eye contact and averted them to the tree, lifting her right hand to slowly let the tips of her fingers wander across the rough bark, trying to form the things that kept bothering her into words that didn’t sound too desperate.

“I’m not sure she does anymore. I hurt her so badly, how can she even look at me and think I’m anything but the person that put her into this position, that is responsible for her suffering. She’s so different, a shell of herself. She doesn’t even think I’m _real_. How can I make her want to fight if she thinks that none of her actions have consequences?”

“The Caribbean has a lot of ways to make your worst fears come to life. She has been in there for five years, and she hasn’t even been outside of those walls for 24 hours yet, she will likely not change her mind any time soon. But this is another impossible situation, because there is no time for slow, I’m guessing you have days to convince her, a week at most.”

Days? Her fingers dug into the bark. No. They couldn’t deploy them so soon, they just got here, they haven’t been training in years. Raelle had been hoping for months. She knew she would be short on time, but that there would be so little was an idea she hadn’t even entertained.

“Scylla loves you. Maybe you don’t have to convince her that this is real, just convince her that she wants to come back to you.”

Raelles hand dropped uselessly to her side.

“That doesn’t sound easy at all.”

Anacostias voice was softer than her expression had been when she managed to catch Raelles eyes again.

“I never said it was.”

When Raelle didn’t respond, Anacostia gazed up the tree, her hands clasped behind her back once more.

“You’re as much of a fighter as she is, don’t give up before you even started trying.”

The ringing of a bell filled the silence between them, and Raelle couldn’t help but wonder if it was a sign. What was she supposed to do? She had been hoping that Anacostia could tell her what she had to do, how she could get Scylla out of this, but it was clear the sergeant thought their only fighting chance was Scylla surviving the front lines.

Raelle had feared that it might come to this, and whenever the thought appeared, she had pushed it as far as possible into the most hidden corner of her mind.

But reality was as crushing as it always had been. She couldn’t keep Scylla away, there was no way for her to convince general Alder that they couldn’t deploy the brunette. The only thing she could do to keep Scylla safe was join her at the front, but no one knew if any soldiers were supposed to accompany the prisoners to their destination, and she would prefer to not see Abigail or Glory at the front either.

If she could find out when the prisoners were leaving, she could sneak in with them and make sure that Scylla was taken care of. Though that meant keeping that idea hidden from Abigail, who had done just that when they were deploying for the first time. She would be able to see right through it, no lie would be good enough. That is, if she wasn’t already suspecting that Raelle would come up with an idea like that.

That left her back at square one and with nothing but the strategy to make Scylla want to come back to her. But that wouldn’t do, there had to be another way.

If the last five years had taught her anything, then that denial is her greatest friend, and kept her going for another day.


End file.
